How To Tell The Difference Between Love & Lust

There’s nothing wrong with needing to rip your partner’s clothing off on a whim (it can definitely make for a sexy relationship), but whether or not there is a deeper love will ascertain the loyalty level. Understanding the difference between love and lust will help you understand just how romantically involved you envision being for the long run with your partner. And, what is more, it’ll give you a good idea of exactly how to feel seeing weaknesses and how they effect you.

As a certified wellness coach , I work with people on feeling fulfilled in their relationships, regardless of what that actually stands for. Sometimes, Discover More Here are only after lust, or rather an intimate (often mainly physical) relationship that is more short lived, hot, and obsessive. Consider: You can not keep your hands off each other when together. But , usually there’s less of a connection beyond the physical (you are sort of dating the human body, rather than the individual inside it). Contrarily, a relationship built on love will have a more significance, as there’s understanding and an affection that there. No matter what you’re currently looking for, both could be quite satisfying the result will differ. Here are 9 ways to tell the difference between love and lust .

You Have Meaningful Conversation

Based on Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, a licensed clinical professional counselor and a Certified Imago Relationship Therapist, over email with Bustle, in case you’re finding a deeper level of communication, then there’s likely a love there. “When there’s depth to the relationship, beyond merely physical attraction, that is a good indication that there’s love. You have the ability to have meaningful conversations, speak about your dreams for your relationship, learn more about one another’s interests and family history,” Rabbi Slatkin explains.


“Should you end up romantically and sexually aroused by them, but have no interest in the mental and other non-sexual facets of the relationship, then it probably is just lust,” says David Bennett, a certified advisor and dating pro to Bustle.

You are Still Invested In Them Even With Bad Sex

If you’re suffering to have a sexual chemistry with your spouse, or you do not enjoy her or his style in bed, but you still want to remain with them for a ton of other reasons, it’s probably because you love them, says Bennett. “Love is a relationship that’s deeper than just sexual attraction, and is emotional as well as intellectual, and lasts even when you may be trying hard to connect sexually with your spouse,” says Bennett.

“Lust is usually compound, primal and firmly physical. It typically involves idealization and dream about the person,” states Stacy Kaiser, Live Joyful Editor In Large and certified psychotherapist, to Bustle. “Love tends to be calmer and quieter. It takes more time to grow and feels more like an emotional and mental bond than a chemical or physical one,” Kaiser adds.

You’re Obsessive

“Lust and the first phases of a relationship involve the addiction center of the mind, which is fed by the hormones that surge through you every time you see or think about the object of your desires,” says Michelle Archard, Romance Expert to Bustle. “If you are continually looking to get a ‘fix’ of the partner then you’re most likely still at the lust stage. If you can go some time with no contact and are not always considering them then you’ve moved to the attachment or love phase,” Archard describes.

You Feel Grounded About Them

“Love is deep seated feeling. Love is layered. When you love somebody you take the entire package. You want to get to understand them. You care about them and look after their wellbeing,” states Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, Melissa Divaris Thompson, to Bustle. Generally speaking, you will be more enthusiastic about peeling back those layers.

his response Doing “Couple” Matters

“By the time love happens, couples are usually moving in with them, buying a home, moving up the career ladder, and thinking of kids. They have a lot more stress happening in their lifetime, which helps to kill (or even slow down) lust,” explains Cath Hakanson, sex educator and creator of Sex Ed Rescue to Bustle.

You are Focused On Getting Everything You Want

Here’s an integral difference: Lust is all about getting what you want (maybe some hot sex ?) , while love is more about giving onto a partner and enduring the relationship, explains Brian Taylor, dating & Author coach, to Bustle. Consider where your mind is and it’ll help determine whether you’re feeling lust or love.

You Don’t Feel Safe To Open Up

“Should you truly feel safe to share your feelings on your relationship, and you also feel accepted despite your weaknesses, it’s likely love. Should you believe you can’t or don’t need to share your feelings and be mentally vulnerable in your relationship, it is likely lust,” Shirani M. Pathak, LCSW, Dating Center of Silicon Valley, says over email with Bustle.

If you notice any of these differences popping up in your relationship, then you’ll definitely get a few signs to comprehend the difference. Love vs Lust is good, if it’s aligned with what you want. If not, it’s time.